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Badge

By the Unknown Poet

Spade and Archer were two Private Eyes
Thread bare and broke and wondering why
Then Effie announced, there's a lady to see
Who goes by the name of Miss Wonderly

Can you help me, please will you mister
I've come to locate my missing sister
Shes been in town since this past Thursday
And was seen with a man, by the name of Thursby

Archer piped up, I'll take this case
And went out that night to take up the chase
When out of the shadows suddenly did jump
A killer who put one, right through his pump

Polhaus and Dundy came sniffing around
Questioning Spade on the body they found
Not only was Archer murdered tonight
But Thursby was shot later that night

Later that evening, Sam got a call
To meet Miss LeBlanc, and not to forestall
Sam was surprised, when she opened the door
To see the Miss Wonderly, he'd met just before

Wonderly or LeBlanc, is not my real name
But Bridgid O'Shaunessy, if its all the same
he tried to explain the wherefores and whys
But Sam said you're good, but its all total lies

Sam took her money and continued the case
And returned to his office suddenly to face
A man named Cairo who offered to pay
Five thousand dollars for a black bird of prey

He went back to Bridgid with the news he had found
To see what she knew or if she was fiddling around
Sam and Bridgid agreed that they'd go
To the hotel to see Joel Cairo

At the hotel, all that was heard
Was talk about that mysterious black bird
When suddenly a scuffle, it did break out
And Sam slapped Cairo all about

Polhaus and Dundy knocked on the door
And Cairo picked himself up, off of the floor
Just when an arrest, they were going to involk
Sam told them, that it was all a big joke

Sam spotted Wilmer watching outside
And wondered if he was being taken for a ride
Later he told him, at Cairo's hotel
Go tell the fat man, I've got info to sell

Sam met with Gutman whose offer was heard
Ten thousand bucks to deliver the bird
As their discussion continued, what do you think
Gutman had put something, into Sam's drink

Later at Sam's office there was a knock on the door
And Captain Jacoby fell to the floor
He was carrying something under his arm
And brought it to Sam, before buying the farm

Sam took the bundle to the bus station
And checked it as baggage, for your information
He then picked up Bridgid and did go to meet
Messrs Gutman and Cairo up in their suite

They talked and they talked and agreed on a price
And suddenly they became quiet, as little mice
To cover our trail, a fall guy we need
And Wilmer was chosen, to take the lead

Effie brought in the bundle and then she was gone
The sun was rising, it was almost dawn
They gathered round as fast as they were able
To open the package that sat on the table

After the unwrapping, much to their dread
They discovereed the Falcon was made out of lead
Cairo cursed Gutman, and yelled in his face
And then they decided to continue the chase

Sam called the cops to turn them in
And then turned to Bridgid with nary a grin
You shot Miles, you had such gall
Now you're going to pay, you're taking the fall

Sam told Bridgid, as she said her bit
You killed Miles and you're going over for it
I'll be waiting for you in twenty long years
I won't play the sap, but I'll cry the tears

As the cops did arrive Sam uttered a sigh
Held Bridgid close and kissed her goodbye
He picked up the statue that everyone did love
And tossed out the stuff that dreams are made of

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